Why Words Matter For Children’s Social Development

Have you ever watched a child go from calm to a full-blown tantrum in a matter of seconds? There’s real neuroscience behind these emotional rollercoasters—and as it turns out, language is the secret tool that can help kids navigate them.

The Brain Science Behind Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions and actions. For kids, that means calming down after losing a toy or not overreacting when a sibling eats the last biscuit. But why is this so hard sometimes? The answer lies in the brain. When a child feels stressed or angry, the limbic system—the brain’s emotional command centre—lights up [1]. In these moments, emotions take the wheel, and rational thinking takes a back seat. That’s why logic and reasoning often don’t work during a meltdown. But here’s the good news: when a child calms down, control shifts to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and learning [2]. This switch helps kids make better decisions and respond more thoughtfully to challenges.

Why Words Are the Ultimate Calming Tool

So, how can children make that all-important switch from emotional overload to calm and collected? Studies using brain scans show that when people put their feelings into words, the brain’s emotional centres become less active. Therefore, simply talking about emotions helps the brain regain balance and control. In one fascinating study, participants who described how emotional images made them feel showed much calmer brain activity than those who stayed silent [3]. Expressing emotions through language literally helps regulate explosive feelings.

“Use Your Words”: More Than Just Good Advice

When you encourage your child to “use your words,” you’re doing more than diffusing a tantrum—you’re helping them develop essential life skills. Naming emotions like “frustration” or “jealousy” gives kids the power to understand and manage what they’re feeling. The more words children have for their emotions, the better they can make sense of their own and others’ feelings [4].

The Social Benefits of a Rich Emotional Vocabulary

Kids who can label their emotions tend to have more positive social interactions and perform better at school. A strong emotional vocabulary helps children:

• Communicate their needs clearly
• Feel empathy towards others
• Solve conflicts peacefully
• Build stronger friendships

Research consistently shows that social-emotional skills—like self-regulation and emotional intelligence—are linked to academic success and overall well-being… and it all starts with words. But how do you explain the difference between ‘sad’ and disappointed? Or ‘provoked’ versus ‘grumpy’? The Book of Big Feelings makes it easy to explain the emotional nuances between different feelings, with funny illustrations and child-friendly definitions. On the back of each word, you’ll find conversation starters, helping to cement a child’s understanding of what that emotion actually feels like.

Conclusion

Words are powerful tools that help children understand themselves, connect with others, and thrive both socially and academically. So the next time your child is struggling with their feelings, remember to encourage them to talk it out. Because it’s not just helpful in the moment—it’s a helpful lifeskill that will prepare them for adulthood.